The Adventures of Alvin: Episode 20

This may very well be Alvin's final episode... with possibly an ending to follow. Alvin's reached his peak of old age and only has been falling apart more and more each day; the hardest part for us is really seeing this. We see him one day after another, with his corpse-like body swaying back and forth, him stumbling over things he can't see, him sometimes falling to the ground... but we have doubt in our minds because he still looks up at us with such love and excitement, so we at least think.. that he's still happy to be with us which could possibly be true... but deep down inside we are afraid he could be suffering. His levels came out good last time he was at the vet, meaning his organs are all working properly, but his physical condition has been debilitating day by day. He may seem fine on most days, but what I remember most about what people tell me of their own heart breaking experiences of putting a pet down, is that they wish they did it sooner. They waited too long and their pet suffered. I look into Alvin's eyes and don't want him to have to suffer, if he isn't already. If he isn't yet, it will be soon and how fair is that of me to decide I want to see him suffer just to substantiate making the choice to let him go easier. When others say they should have done it sooner I look at Alvin and know he is in that stage of "sooner" and it makes me feel like the right choice is to do it now, because that's what my heart is telling me.. This is when it would be right, when he's in not so great shape and his quality of life is diminishing, but he's not really dying yet, because I want his last breaths to have been happy and as comfortable as possible so that he doesn't have to ever experience suffering like so many animals do. I write this with tears in my eyes, with Alvin here next to me, because we have limited time to enjoy him before we let him go. But what is really enjoying him? Is that what life is, or should we focus on HIM being able to enjoy life? If he is losing that ability, we should put him out of his misery before he officially has nothing left and only knows pain. When he isn't eating or nudging us for a pet, which I honestly think he does more to make us feel better than for his own satisfaction.. he is resting and laying in an uncomfortable looking position trying to zone out and sleep. What all he does is sleep. He usually shows excitement for a walk, or for going somewhere, or for food, but he has far less excitement and doesn't care about most of the things he used to. His bowels have been going for months, he's blind and he's deaf. He has no muscle left, just a skeleton covered in currently ungroomed hair. His eyes light up, I see he loves me, but there's an emptiness inside telling me he should feel this emptiness of life no more and go to the rainbow bridge with all other pets (even though he doesn't like other dogs).. maybe he will in this special place. Where he can be with my dad, who loved him so, and he can be forever happy, or possibly feel nothing, which may be better than anything uncomfortable he feels now. Putting a pet down is a personal decision and a very hard one to make. I just feel if I can prevent suffering, isn't that the whole point? I don't want to keep waiting and kick myself later for forcing myself to see him suffer to make it easier. We all love Alvin but we need to focus on what Alvin loves and wants and what is best for him.