Alvin Today
Ever since his previous "episodes", Alvin has been here to stay. We have learned, that "better home" we tried to find him may have to be with us.. because no one else will put up with it. An adult now, I am stuck with Alvin everywhere I go. I have been living on my own with him for a year now, and I feel like I have been to hell and back. My mom almost punishes me.. for not letting her find him a better home before he was completely "ruined". I feel as though I can't be blamed, since it was my dad who induced and created his anxiety, and then left his final wish for Alvin to remain my mom's responsibility for the remainder of Alvin's life. I suppose though that the true bond and love for family is doing whatever it takes for them.. making huge strides and endless efforts in the act of love for both of my parents. So I continually pick up trash, broken doors, ripped up items, puke from whatever he has eaten last and spilled messes on a sometimes daily basis (his bad behavior varies) in the name of love for my dad. We wait close to an hour for Alvin to come in from the yard... after pawing and digging at the fence to get to the dog next door, barking excessively due to his lack of ability to even hear himself bark, chasing birds and things that aren't even there.. I guess it's my turn.... to care for Alvin in the remainder... with what should be a shortened lifespan for Alvin, hasn't shown any indications of ending soon unfortunately. So in the name of love for my dad, and as an act of love for my mom I'll even bring Alvin to Florida where I will lose countless deposits and pay endless accounts of damage charges to anywhere in which I may live. My mom may have to help contribute where I cannot afford, to the bottomless pit of an Alvin fund, where I do not doubt that at least tens of thousands of dollars have been dumped and destroyed for the sake of Alvin's existence.
This act of love is something that eats at me and stresses me out every day. Josh had never had the privilege of meeting my dad, but has to live with my dad's legacy of a dog that is nothing but a nightmare. It's something that no one else may ever understand, and it's a position to be in that I wish on no one in their lifetime, to feel obligated and responsible for a creature in which is ruined. It's not fair to euthanize for behavior alone, although it's impossibly torturous to know we have spent thousands of dollars on training methods, equipment, and medications to keep him barely tolerable. Thunder jackets, "paws away" systems, humane shock training methods, individual one on one training methods, other dog friends, every medication and combination of on the market in the highest dosages and countless other measures have been taken and he progressively gets worse and worse. At 12 years old he still enjoying spending his days getting into the garbage we may have forgotten to take out (I don't even OWN a trash can.. I have never and will never have the privilege to do so until Alvin is gone) getting into the dog food when we aren't home.. even though it's stored 10 feet off the ground, and destroy random miscellaneous items every day including taking mirrored doors down and off the hinges, and shattering them everywhere. "Why not put him in a cage?" you may ask. Well let's save that for another episode of Alvin's adventures.
No comments:
Post a Comment