Welcome change

After turning our clocks ahead and welcoming the new daylight into what now feels like longer and extended evenings, it's starting to feel a lot like spring. I know we've only had a few semi-warm days... and that the temperature is going to drop again, but I think I'm referring more to the actual feeling I get from it than the necessary formality of it officially being the new season. 

I'm no longer in school... so I don't have that feeling I always get when you know the end of the semester is coming near. I guess it's technically spring break right now for a lot of colleges... but I just know of the feeling I would get once spring break was over. This feeling consisted of talk of summer, contemplating how I'm going to fit all of my belongings and pets in my car to move home in a mere 2 months, and the beginning of training a farm animal for Ag field day. It's been 2 years of not having these experiences or sensations.. just another reason being an adult is sucky I suppose.

I guess without a formal timetable of being involved in school, or even paying attention to the date on my calendar.. I get a sense of nervousness every time we approach the beginning of a new month, for that is one month closer to my wedding on June 1. Planning the little things is fun yet stressful, and I still am in the habit of saying I'm getting married a year from now... thinking we are still in June of last year. Where has the time gone?! I seriously lost this past year without realizing it went by.

But now March, these lengthened days, and the ability to ditch the warm coat when walking outside just brings the mood of relief, the smell of fresh air, the pleasant sound of songbirds chirping (which unfortunately I have lost the ability to identify most of.. but can still recognize a few), and sunsets getting later in the evening and more convenient to go watch. I'm sure that no matter what turmoil or standstill your life may be in.... most people find a sense of comfort in the coming of Spring.

I don't celebrate Easter, but when I see bunny items and easter eggs for sale in stores it reminds me that spring is really here! Last fall I remember going through the motion of the next year to come... imagining the perks each month would bring. From May or June throughout the end of the year, there is always something fun to look forward to. Warmth, my birthday, BBQ's, beach days and basking up the warmth of the sun (with sunscreen of course!), leading into the temperature of jeans and sweaters but also Halloween, leaves changing colors, Thanksgiving and being thankful, and then the season of giving. However after this, I remember thinking last December, there is nothing to look forward to, until the cycle of "my favorite time of the year" in late May begins again. It's cold and wet and there's no holidays to look forward to. In my family we have Passover, but I supposed the lack of bread for a week isn't necessarily something to be excited for. I supposed with my current diet of trying to be in shape for the wedding though, I should welcome Passover with open arms. I just can't get over that January and February have flown by, March is half way through, and only 2 more months will follow until it's beautiful and warm. And that I'm newly wedded.

But then.... after the wedding.. I'm moving to Florida! When it's finally getting warm here, I'm going to miss the New Jersey summer for an intense Florida heat I'm not yet used to. But I don't care.. the sun is the sun and I'm ready for it. A new life with my new husband that I just can't wait to start. The type of heat that will draw me into the water to swim.. instead of breezy New Jersey days that are just warm enough to soak up the rays but not hot enough for me to dive into freezing cold water. The type of heat that may keep me longing for the AC in our brand new apartment that we picked out, applied for, and signed the lease for all by ourselves. I really feel like an adult... but now it's in a good and exciting way. The way that we don't need our parents in ways we used to, that we can financially support ourselves, and make decisions on our own. I used to be afraid of change. I grew up in my mom's house and have had the same bedroom since the day I came home from the hospital after being born. I've moved around New Jersey, but always had my home base with my mom to go to. I'm finally picking myself up, and going out of state, 15 hours away. I'm planning on clearing out my old room, letting my mom paint it, and start prepping the home I grew up in for sale. I'm growing up, accepting change, and realizing that change isn't bad, but it's good. It's the start for new beginnings. I have the hope that my friends and my mom will visit me in Florida. I have family not too far from me in Florida. I have good friends within a few hours reach of Gainesville. Having some familiarity provides a sense of comfort. My mom will eventually be off to a new start as well...(but probably not for a while..) either snowbirding or moving to Florida too.

If you're sick of your old life or bored and feeling stagnant, you always have the ability to stand up on your feet and make a change.. whether it's a big one or a small one. Whether it's for yourself, for someone else, or for a cause. You should always do it if it's for yourself. You can make changes for someone else, if it's also for you too. And you can always benefit a cause and create the necessary changes to make the world a better place... by physically changing your own habits, but again, it has to be for an inner meaning, and for you. But only you have the ability to choose that path and give up your current routines and regularity. Some people are happy where they are. Change isn't always necessary. But it certainly isn't something to fear.

In 3 and a half months I welcome my 24th birthday. The number sounds so big and old to me.. it's crazy. I still can't believe I'm not a teenager anymore, yet almost a quarter of a century old. Where has the time gone? Time moves so quickly, I watch the second hand move on the clock and realize that with every moment gone, I can never get it back. I'm excited for these big changes, but trying to hold on and grasp the current life I hold, to just get a real taste and appreciation for living where I do, being near my mom and best friends, and being just a fiance and not yet a wife. I try to drink up the last bit of wine in the glass of current comfort before finishing and refilling to be a new glass of change. Trying to hold on to being 23.... and I recall what feels like yesterday of me desperately grasping on to being 22. Being 23 has flown by so quickly.... kind of acting as a stepping stone between what was me becoming adult, into me actually being an adult. It's a crazy feeling. Life is crazy. It's crazy that it's here and you're in it, but at any moment it can be gone. In any moment the ones around you can be gone. Life changes in the blink of an eye, so do me a favor and try to keep your eyes open long before blinking... take in what's around you and get a good look at it. Appreciate everything that's there, and take a mental snapshot so you'll never forget. Hug your loved ones. Take your dog on a nice long walk. Pick up that book you've been meaning to read. Go outside on a warm day instead of staying in. Turn your phone off. Say thank you, and tell those you love how much they really mean to you. Because face it.. we get busy, we forget, and time slips away. So go do it now, while you have the time. Time is a commodity worth more than money, because everyone is given only a certain amount for their lifetime, which can't be bought, but can easily be lost. You don't even know exactly how much you start with, so with the assumption your time can run out at any moment, try to make everything you do with it truly count and really matter.

Change is a blessing, because some people are trapped in their situation and can't make the change they've always wanted. If you're not satisfied with your current life.. don't waste the rest of your time stuck where you are when you can invest some time into making a change for the better, a change that will make the rest of your time put to the best use for you. Because like I said, you only have so much of it to spend. Change may be scary.. but no matter where you go and where you wind up, you'll have those that care about you behind you every step of the way. Distance is a mere factor of physical space.. which can be overcome by car, airplane or other mode of transportation. Don't let it scare you. Your place of comfort will always be there.. even after you choose to leave it. No one's getting younger here, so embrace the ability to improve your life because one day you'll be too old, too weak, too lazy or unmotivated to do the things you dreamed of while you were young. I'm still young, but advice I've heard from the older and wiser has been to truly live while you can, do the things you want to and don't let anything hold you back, because one day it will be too late and what all you'll be able to do is regret.

The feeling of warmth and change of this season should get you going on warm new meanings to life and what it's all about. Make your life what you want it to be, because only YOU can make that happen. Embrace change, don't fear it. Because you can control how change affects your life, and with it comes new opportunities, new meanings and new pleasures for you too. Hang on to every moment and hold onto the mental snapshot you take. You might never be able to go back to that time and place, so appreciate everything you have and every moment. Don't sweat the small stuff. Let go of little things. They don't matter. But the people and things in your life that are so meaningful are what are meant to be appreciated. Don't let them slip away with time. Get off the computer and put your time to a better use. I can't wait to welcome the new HUGE changes in my life in just a few months, and I can't even explain how exciting the feeling is. Some may think I'm starting a new life, and leaving my old one behind. But I'm confident everything I will miss in my "old" life will be a part of my new life too. My friends aren't going anywhere, and neither is New Jersey. I'm just going to be a little farther away... but with the incentive of warmth all year round, I do hope that those I love will visit. I leave my childhood behind me, my teenage years, and even my last name (well not completely.. since I want to make it my middle name.. despite how hard NJ makes it for you.. I WILL make it happen!).... but I am still me, and I'm still living my life. It's just shocking to know how much of my life has passed, how much is over. But that's not what we are supposed to focus on. Grasp the memories but focus on what's ahead, what has not yet expired, and what we have to live for. Don't spend life living for nothing.. spend it living for everything you've always dreamed of. You'll have opportunities, and I hope you'll take advantage of them if they are right for you. Embrace change, and cherish EVERY second. Because as the second hand passes.... you can never get that second back.